Defining Civility

I am often asked how to define "civility." Here is a pictorial of the various concepts. Each of the terms are important on their own, and comprise "civility" as a whole. Following are some suggestions of how to make "civility" more actionable in your life.

• Educators, Share this with your students asking them to draw or to find photos representing each of these concepts. Teens can describe situations they have faced where civility was or wasn't demonstrated.
• HR/Employers/Managers, Discuss these concepts with your employees and ask them to share situations they have faced with peers or customers that showcase these components, or to describe situations where these concepts were lacking and what they did to resolve concerns.
• Individuals, Ask yourself where you demonstrate these concepts in your daily family, community, and work life. Do you demonstrate all? Are there opportunities to do better?
• Parents, Share these with your children and discuss ways that as a family, you can demonstrate civility. What is each family member's responsibility within the family, when out and about, and at school. Make it a dinner game. Each of the terms can be placed in a bowl, one drawn at dinner, and discussed at that meal.
• Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles, Share this with the young people in your family, and discuss the experiences you have had, as well as their experiences with civility. What has or hasn't changed since you were their age?

(You may copy the picture for your use, though as it is copyrighted, please do site the source.)

Mind Your Manners

Thank you to Bill Ward of the Minneapolis Star Tribune for keeping the importance of manners in the forefront in today's article, "Mind Your Manners." In it he highlights segments from the book, How To Behave: A Guide to Modern Manners, by Caroline Tiger. The book is on my to read list.

The update I make to a suggestion in the article is that when the person in line ahead of you tries to get 22 items through the 10 item only lane, to begin counting off the item number would be equally as rude. Rather, a statement such as "You must not have realized that this is the line for 10 or fewer items" if the cashier has not yet realized this; it is the cashier who is responsible for monitoring the flow of the lane and directing this person to the appropriate lane.

I also suggest avoiding name calling (even in your mind) such as "bozo" or other terms. Sometimes, people really are clueless. Give them the benefit of the doubt, just as you would want for yourself.

Incorporate Etiquette & Civility Into Your New Year's Resolutions

As we start 2011, many of us have made a handful (perhaps even a long list!) of New Year's Resolutions. Do your 2011 resolutions include opportunities for civility and kindness? Do your children's resolutions include manners? Consider creating resolutions for yourself and help your children with their resolutions this year that focus on civility, etiquette, respect, patience, kindness, and making relationships better. You may want to set a goal for yourself in one or more categories. There are so many ways we can be kind and considerate toward others. What can you do to make a difference? What can your children do to make a difference? Everyday is a new opportunity to make a positive impact in someone else's life. If we all commit to doing just one thing more positively in this realm, we help in creating a kinder and more civil society. Here are a few suggestions for the New Year:

Out and About

• Purchase a cup of coffee for a stranger


• Let someone else have the booth or window seat at the restaurant


• Avoid using the phone or similar technology when in a restaurant


• Be considerate when using your cell phone in public such as monitoring the volume of your voice and avoid using phone's speaker capability


• Keep your cell phone put away when checking out at the grocery store


• Avoid giving mean looks to the mother with the screaming child at the store


• Let someone merge in your lane ahead of you while driving
  

At Work

• Give a coworker a handwritten thank you for their help with a project or in meeting a strict deadline


• Stay late to help out a coworker even though it isn't your "responsibility"


• Avoid taking an office mate's chair for a meeting


• Returning an office mate's stapler if you borrowed it


• Don't leave the copier jammed for someone else


• Avoid holding loud conversations outside another's cube


• Avoid leaving rotting food in the refrigerator
  

At Home

• Keep technology away from the table while dining with your family


• Sit down to dinner as a family at least once a week or once a month


• Be a good sport about your children's games no matter if their team wins or loses


• Always RSVP to an invitation


• Treat family with civility by not taking out on them a bad day at work


• Do not interrupt family members when they are speaking
  

Resolutions Children Can Make

• Write thank you notes for gifts within a week of receiving a gift


• Keep the volume on the TV tolerable for the family


• Clean up mess on table at fast food restaurant


• Take clear phone messages


• Knock on a closed door


• Shake hands and not "bump" when meeting someone new

Civility Lacking in Publicly Humiliating Your Team

Unfortunately, stars behaving badly doesn't seem to end. Whether in the public limelight, or office setting, humiliating your team is poor and hurtful, and worse when done publicly. According to the following article, Mary J. Blige publicly humiliated her band at a pre-Grammy event: http://bit.ly/d5TAvK.

While the article states that her band's musical director "said later that the diva was right to...diss the musicians," as an etiquette expert, I argue that it is never appropriate to show disrespect or to humiliate others. We all must remember that respect, kindness, and civility go a long way to create positive environments both at work and in our personal lives.

Fish Punish Fish For Bad Manners

"Fish Punish Fish For Bad Manners" - If you are like me, you might have thought this was a spoof. However, there apparently was research conducted that found male fish do chastise female fish for not being fair in their eating.

Interesting that scientists conduct research on the manners of fish. Perhaps it will help reinforce the importance of manners in humans?

Here is the article link: http://bit.ly/4BiZwe

Etiquette Centre of Minneapolis December Newsletter

The December newsletter is ready for viewing at: http://bit.ly/5FKBcj. This month features the following:

- The Holiday Office Party: Career Builder of Derailer?
- Is It OK to Regift?
- Upcoming Events

Hold the Elevator!

There are many seemingly little things that can make a big impact in the office and make work relationships more pleasant, such as courtesy in the elevator, lunchroom, hallway, mailroom, restroom and more. Don't let yourself think these don't matter because they do! See: "Professional Etiquette You Don't Think About" from MSN Career Builder.