Swearing, Profanity, #$%&#?*! ... Call it What You Will

As many who've been in my seminars know, I find that swear words are simply letters of the alphabet put together to create a word. I am not aware of any country that doesn't have its share of such words. This said however, I am not a fan of swearing. Not because of the words themselves, rather, because of the implied intent behind the use of these words, and often the tone with which they are spoken. Any letters can be put together to form a word. It is the meaning that society gives to these words that creates acceptance or nonacceptance for use in polite conversation.

Today we learned that the City Council in Washington, D.C. added an amendment to the Council's Code of Conduct that bans the use of profanity in council meetings. This amendment also unanimously passed. (see for the story: D.C. Council Chairman Cracks Down On #@&#%!!!)

It is interesting too when I speak with others, not one person has said that swearing is appropriate. Some even say they need to clean up their language. Yet swearing persists.

I simply ask you to consider how refined a person (you or other) sounds when swearing. And is there another set of words other than profanity that can be used when stating displeasure, unhappiness, or used in general conversation? 

President's Day - George Washington's Rules of Civility

George Washington's and Abraham Lincoln's birthdays were two separate holidays when I was young. In 1971, their birthdays were combined to create one event that we celebrate today, President's Day.

We know that their accomplishments were significant in U.S. history and continue to impact us today. Many people may not realize that our first president, George Washington, also penned guidance on civility, Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, listing 110 rules to guide behavior for a respectful community. Notably, he penned these before he was 16!

Interestingly, while much has changed since Washington penned these rules in 1745, little has also changed. We still struggle with civility even after these almost 270 years.

Here are a few of Washington's rules and their current application.

Washington: "Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present"
Current Application: Avoid using cell phones in conversation with others. 

Washington: "Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparagement of any"
Current Application: In the workplace, make your own judgements based on your experience with another. Don't believe everything you hear. 

Washington: "If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up..."
Current Application: When at a networking meeting, stand if you are able, to greet others joining your table. Standing to greet shows respect for both the other person and yourself.

Washington: "Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A Secret Discover not."
Current Application: Avoid gossip.

To read all 110 rules, see Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.

America's Rudest Cities

In reading this year's list of America's Rudest Cities published by Travel & Leisure magazine, I admit I was surprised by some of the listings. I had found San Diego, D.C., Orlando, Seattle, Salt Lake City, and Chicago to be quite friendly cities. While there are some cities listed that I have not yet traveled to, there are others that could spruce up their refinement and civility skills overall. Of course, I won't name names. However, if you are on this top 20 list, you may want to ask yourself is this the list you want to be on?

Note to self: must get out more!

Importance of Thank You Notes

Today I received a very special package in the mail containing 30 handwritten thank you notes from the students at Santa Fe College in Gainesville, FL for the International Etiquette course held last week. It was so heartwarming to read their notes.

These students in particular are all military veterans and well-traveled. I had asked the students as we began the class how many had received cross-cultural training prior to their deployment. Only half raised their hands. It made me shudder to think that we sent our military members across seas to live and work in other cultures without ensuring they were fully prepared for interacting. So many of the world's misunderstandings arise due to poor communication and lack of sensitivity toward one another.

Each student in the session learned skills that will help them to be successful and give them an advantage as they continue to navigate their communities, workplaces, and world. Here are some of the thank you notes that were shared with me:

"I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for the fantastic Skype session at Santa Fe College. I found your details on various cultures and how their perspectives differ from our own very informative. As a result of this, I feel I am more open to other cultures and their values."

"Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to Skype with our class today. You gave some very helpful tips on gestures in different cultures. I would have never thought something as simple as a thumbs up could mean so many different things. I will continue to learn about cultural differences because you made the topic so interesting."

"Thank you for the insight on traveling abroad, and having proper etiquette. I have been to many different places, but I fear that I may have made a few mistakes! Well it is better late than never to learn about cultural diversity. Thank you again for this informative lecture."

"Thank you for helping me broaden my perspectives by teaching me how to be more culturally aware. I now feel confident that if I'm ever in another country, I'll be able to hang with the best of them without having too many cultural faux pas."

"...I enjoyed the way you use real life experiences. It reminded me of my times overseas."

"...As a person who wants to travel, I found your discussion on cultural etiquette to be very enlightening. I'm a little intimidated by all the variations you spoke about for different cultures, such as proper handshakes. I feel like I have an advantage with the knowledge you have shared, as well as the understanding to research cultures before I travel."

Recuiters Review Your Social Media Posts

What does your social media say about you? Most of us have heard that recruiters review a candidate's Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, Twitter, and other social media posts. Even though this is true, many people are lax in ensuring their posts show them in the most flattering, knowledgeable, and professional light in terms of a job search.

A recent study by Reppler finds that 91% of recruiters review your posts as part of their screening, with Facebook coming in at the number one social media reviewed at 76%.

Interestingly, almost 50% of the recruiters in the study review this information after receiving the application...before ever speaking with the candidate.

It is so important to be sure your posts are the best portrayal of the professional you prior to the job search because the study also found that 69% of recruiters have rejected candidates based on their posts! Conversely, 68% have hired candidates based on what the recruiter saw on the posts.

So...which bucket do you want to be in?

Get going now and "professionalize" your online presence!

Female Boss a Bully?

According to a report by the Daily Mail in, “Stressed Out and Angry: How The Modern Female Boss Became A Bully” (12.5.11), a survey by the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) found that of their respondents:

• 20% of female bosses admit to shouting or being verbally
  abusive at work, and
• 10% of women executives admit to blaming and shaming colleagues when things go wrong.

According to BAAM’s director, Mike Fisher, “inability to deal with stress” was a key factor in lashing out at colleagues.

Verbal abuse, shouting, blaming and shaming is very disruptive to the worklife (and often homelife) of individuals and to the workplace in general.

On the upside, the vast majority of women in the study did not bully their colleagues, though those that did can make life miserable for their colleagues.

December Gift Giving Etiquette Guide

In planning gift giving to those born in December, note that December has several Flowers of the Month. These are:
 - Narcissus (also known as the Daffodil)
 - Holly
 - Poinsettia

Narcissus

Poinsettia

Holly

December also has several Gemstones of the Month. These are:
 - Turquoise
 - Zircon
 - Blue Topaz
 - Tanzanite

Blue Topaz

Tanzanite

Turquoise