7 Additional Etiquette Tips for the Overnight Guest

Being an overnight guest whether it is with family or friends can be challenging. I recently posted nine etiquette tips for being a good overnight guest. Here are seven additional tips that will help you navigate the nuances of being a gracious overnight guest and preserve the relationship.

• It seems to go without saying, however, do not bring soiled laundry to your host's home expecting to wash it there. It has happened where people are so busy with work and getting ready for the trip that they bring some dirty laundry with them to do at their host's home upon arrival. The best way to handle this is better planning. 
  
  If you are staying more than several days and/or have children, you may need to wash a load of clothing. Do ask your hosts for permission rather than assuming it is OK to do your laundry at their home.  

• Offer to assist with cooking, dishes, or grocery shopping. If on your third offer to assist and your host says no thank you, there is no need to pursue this further. 

• Plan to take your hosts to dinner or to cook a meal. Depending on the length of your stay, this could be once or twice. If you are staying a few days, then once is fine. Should you be staying a week, then twice would be considerate. 

• Remove your bedsheets on your last morning, placing them neatly on the end of the bed. Note that some hosts will say to simply leave the bedding on the bed. Honor your host's request. 

• Remember to return keys and/or a garage door opener to your host. 

• If you borrowed the host's vehicle, fill it to at least the level that you found in the vehicle, or top it off if possible. An alternative is to leave enough cash for the host to cover the cost of replacing the gasoline.

 

• Leave a thank you note for your host. Alternatively, send one within a week of arriving home. 

9 Etiquette Tips for the Overnight Guest

Will you be staying overnight with family or friends for Christmas? It isn't always easy staying with someone in their home, on their turf. While they may be family or friends, we often have different sleeping patterns, organization habits, cooking styles, and more. Following are etiquette tips for being a good overnight guest and how to make the experience more enjoyable for all.

Guests:

• Bring a hostess gift. This can be a candle, picture frame, candy, flavored oil, spices, or a green or flowering plant. Also thoughtful is a regional gift such as a local wine, jams, cookbook, or travel book for your hosts to begin planning their trip to visit you. 

 

• When told to "make yourself at home," do be gracious and neat. Avoid loud music or TVs, leaving clothing strewn about, bathroom towels in a pile, or the bed unmade. Ask your host where you should put your soiled linens, etc. Clean up your dishes, tidy the bathroom and your bedroom.

 

• As not everyone has the same sleep schedule, if you like to sleep in and your hosts are early risers, do discuss this ahead of time so that you can create an appropriate plan.

 

• Consider your sleeping attire. What goes at home might not work when others are present. Hence, sexy lingerie, sleeping in your underwear, or in the nude should be reserved for home. This is especially so if you are sleeping on the couch or an open room. And no, saying "I sleep better in the nude" will not work as an excuse. Err on the side of modesty.       

      

• If you have allergies, consider this in your plans of where to stay. If you are allergic to cats, and your host has a very furry kitty, do not expect your host to keep the cat in another room while you are there. In this case it is best for you to stay elsewhere such as at a hotel. 

   

• If you or your children have a fear of dogs, or other pets, do not expect your host to keep their pet in another room or outside during your visit. You are best staying elsewhere.    

       

• If all the bedrooms in your host's home are all on an upper level and you are unable to navigate the stairs, discuss this with your host. Perhaps there is an option to set up a sleeping arrangement on the main level.   

 

• Do not ask or expect your host's to offer their child's room to you.

 

• If you live with your boyfriend or girlfriend, though are staying with mom and dad for the holidays, respect their wishes of where you will sleep. Some parents won't have an issue with you and your significant other sleeping together in their home, while others will. You most likely know which way your parents feel. There is no need for an argument. If your parents are uncomfortable with your sleeping arrangements, and you feel you must sleep with your significant other, simply stay in a hotel

Etiquette Tips for Hosting Overnight Guests

 

Growing up we lived in California, Colorado, and Washington, so family often visited from out of town. Additionally, we would travel to Minnesota for many holidays and stay with my maternal grandparents. As a child, those are some of my happiest memories. As an adult, I have until a recent trip, always stayed in hotels, though I enjoy having out of town guests stay with me. As some of you may know, I recently had a very unpleasant experience as an out of town guest. In light of this, I thought I'd share some tips on what makes a good host.  

 

• Have an open heart when inviting guests to stay in your home. Avoid feeling it is an obligation or that you'll let them stay if they in turn do something for you.  
• When you say, "make yourself at home," mean it.  
• If your guests are unfamiliar with the area and will be doing some things on their own, provide information on local attractions, restaurants, stores. Also provide easy directions to and from your home and major roads as not everyone has GPS.  
• Provide toiletries (soap, lotions, etc.) and towels. Provide additional (or change out) hand towels for your guests.      
• Consider providing a welcome basket by their bed that includes snacks such as nuts, dried fruit, chips, breath mints, bottled water. You can even include a welcome note for an extra welcoming touch.
• Provide a key to the house and/or a garage door opener. 
 
• Dress appropriately. Even if you say, “well, it is my house!”, remember that you have guests who might not be comfortable seeing you in various stages of undress.
 
• As not everyone has the same sleep schedule, if you like to sleep in and your guests are early risers, have coffee, cereal, pastries, and the like, set out on the kitchen counter for your guests.  
 
• If you have food items that are being saved for the holiday dinner, or another time, simply remove them from the cupboards and put aside. If the item must be refrigerated, simply let your guest know that the item is put to the side for the holiday. Avoid saying something to the effect of "off limits" which will make your guest feel less than welcome.
 
• Ask your guests if they have any allergies that you need to be aware. For example, I love lotions and soaps that have a lot of scent, and also love automatic room sprays, and spray my curtains with perfume. As not everyone is comfortable with scents, it is good to ask so that you make your guests comfortable. 
 
• If your home's bedrooms are all on an upper level, do ask your guests if they will be able to navigate the stairs. This is for all ages. You may need to be prepared to set up a bed in the living room or family room.   
 
• If you don't have a guest room, consider where you will have your guests sleep. You may consider giving your guest your room rather than your child's room. As most master bedrooms have an en suite, this is a good alternative. Young children might enjoy giving their room to others if you can make it a fun adventure such as creating a blanket fort in the family room. Avoid moving teenagers out of their room as they really do need their privacy and space at this age.
 
• Invite your guests to do their laundry as needed, especially if they have children or are staying for more than several days.
 
• If your guests offer to help with cooking, dishes, grocery shopping, do let them. Most guests want to feel they are being helpful and contributing. 

 

Learn more on Holiday Etiquette from my recent radio segment on:

CBS WCCO 830: Holiday Etiquette 

Black Friday Shopping Etiquette – There Can Be Civility!

 

We have seen stories in the news for years of shoppers on Black Friday who are less than polite when driving in the parking lots, waiting in line, and while shopping. It seems odd that after a day of giving thanks, and being in the celebratory spirit, that people would turn into oafish beings. For some it is that their rude nature comes out, for others they are simply clueless, and others have shiny object syndrome.  

Following are some tips that can help make your Black Friday shopping, and holiday shopping overall, more pleasant.

Driving/Parking:

• Be mindful when driving in store/mall parking lots. The law in most states is to come to a complete stop and wait for those in the crosswalks (street and parking lots) to cross before proceeding. This doesn’t mean inching your way through.
• Do avoid driving the wrong way down the parking aisle just to get a parking spot. This often results in an impasse where neither driver has the ability or desire to move.
• In states with snow, remember that the parking spots are smaller due to snow piles so park accordingly. If snow is piled high and thick, avoid parking your extra-long truck/SUV in that spot as your tail end will be out too far in the lane for others to easily pass. It isn’t worth potential dings or scratches on your vehicle, so simply grit your teeth and look for another parking option.
• Avoid taking two parking spots as your one spot.
• If you have dropped someone off at the door, and are then waiting for them to shop, park in a regular parking space, not by the door in the “no parking” or “fire lane.” Traffic will be heavy and this will slow and hold up the flow. Under no circumstances park in the handicapped space unless you have a permit to do so and plan to go in to the store. These spaces are reserved for those who are handicapped and going inside the store to shop. These spaces are not “waiting” spaces.
• As you cross streets and parking lots, be mindful of traffic. Avoid using your cellphone or texting while crossing. It only takes an instant to ruin your holiday with an accident.
• If you bring a shopping cart out to your car, take a moment to put it in the appropriate cart return rather than by the car, or worse, in a handicapped parking space (which unfortunately happens often).

Lines:

• While waiting in a long line is often not what most people want to be doing, you will eventually have your turn.
• Don’t arrive early and then hold spots in line for your friends/family who plan to come a little later. How do you feel when this has happened to you?
• Remember that the cashiers are doing their best and it is quite challenging to work with angry shoppers. Even the volume and constant stream of shoppers can be tiring.
• When waiting in the checkout line and a new register opens, allow those who were ahead of you to go next. Don’t just jump to that register out of que.

Shopping:

• No cutting in front of, or pushing others out of the way, to get to an item you are wanting to purchase.
• Help keep the items on the shelves neat. If you need to search for the color or style you need and it is towards the back of the grouping, be sure you don’t leave the items all askew.
• Never ever take something out of another shopper’s hands or cart.
• Pick up after yourself in the dressing room. You know how annoying it is to go into a dressing room full of clothes on the hooks, benches, and chairs.
• Be careful with your shopping cart. So many people seem to push and shove others with their carts on Black Friday that traffic patrols and/or lights would be helpful.
• Be mindful of those with disabilities, in motorized carts, and parents with children in strollers. It is challenging enough to be out shopping when you have limited mobility, let alone on Black Friday.
• When in a shopping mall or store, avoid walking three or more across, thereby creating difficulty for others to pass. Walking single file is often needed.
• Avoid texting and talking on your phones as you are walking in order to avoid bumping into other shoppers or carts. Step to the side out of the way for calls and texting.
• The “magic words” are still; magic!:  Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, I’m Sorry, May I Help You?

Dining:

• Order quickly. If necessary, stand back from the line to peruse the menu items before getting in line. You have likely had the unfortunate experience of waiting while someone in front of you is still trying to decide what to order...while your stomache is growling. 
• When dining at the mall or other fast food restaurants, do clean up after yourself, tossing trash, putting away tray, and ensure that the table isn’t full of crumbs. Yes, you are in a hurry, though just as you appreciate when the table is cleared when you arrive, others also appreciate this.

 

 

 

 

 

Halloween Etiquette for Adults

Are you ready for Halloween?

Have you purchased candy that you enjoy or that you think the kids will enjoy?

Should you give items other than candy?

Is it OK to visit another neighborhood to trick-or-treat?

 

Photo Courtesy of: http://freeclipartnimages.blogspot.com

Some of you may go all out with costumes and decorating, while others of you will be happy simply handing out candy, and some of you may choose to be tucked away in your home with the lights off! It has been some time since I dressed up for Halloween though always have fun giving out candy and seeing the children in their costumes.

Following are Halloween etiquette tips to help make it more enjoyable for all!

Wishing you a delightful (or is that frightful?) Halloween!

• If you are driving children, do stay within your neighborhood. It isn't polite to drive a group of children to another neighborhood because it is thought that "they have better candy."

• Lights on if you want trick-or-treaters; lights off to discourage. Of course, be aware that children may will still ring the bell when your lights are off, thinking you perhaps forgot to turn them on.

• A good age range for trick-or-treating is from young child to age 12. Once kids reach their teens, door to door trick-or-treating is discouraged. Teens can still be involved in the fun and accompany younger children out for trick-or-treating, hand out candy, or attend an age-appropriate party.

• If teens arrive at your door for candy, be gracious and provide them with candy also. No need to be a curmudgeon.

• It is best to provide store-bought candy rather than homemade items for safety reasons.

• While we may think it is clever to give pencils, erasers, notebooks, and non-candy items, kids would rather have candy.

• Remember to purchase candy that you think the children will enjoy, not that you enjoy (and hope to have leftover). A recent article in the Huffington Post listed the "9 Most Hated Halloween Treats." Take heed. Here are the nine:

                1.  Candy Corn              6. Smarties
                2.  Mary Janes               7. Whoppers
                3.  Bit-O-Honey              8. Things That Aren't Candy
                4.  Tootsie Rolls             9. Things That Aren't Even Edible
                5.  Good and Plenty

• Consider throwing a Halloween party at your home for young people. 

 

• Consider getting into the spirit of Halloween and dressing up in a costume whether you are out walking your children, driving them, or you are answering the door. While adults are too old to actually be trick-or-treating, they aren't too old to get into the spirit of Halloween and to have fun!

Halloween Etiquette for Kids

Are your children ready for Halloween? Have your children been planning their costumes since early September? Thinking about all the good candy they will be receiving? Refreshing their Halloween manners? I am guessing "yes" on the first three questions, though "no" on the last question! As Halloween is this week, it is a good time to help them brush up on their Halloween manners. Here are some tips you can share with your children and even post on your fridge. Happy Halloween! 

 

• Be kind about the costumes of others. Never say someone has a "stupid" costume.

• The best time to trick-or-treat is from 7:00pm to 9:00p. It is polite to wait until most people have had dinner, and to finish before people begin getting ready for bed.

• When you see lights are off at a home, don't ring the doorbell. Just go on to the next house that has the lights on.

• Go to each home only once, even if you think some have the best candy and you want to go for more.

• Respect other peoples' property and never smash or take someone else's pumpkins.

• Ring the doorbell or knock only once and give people time to answer the door. If there is no answer, don't ring or knock again, just go on to the next house.

• When offered a bowl of candy, take only one piece unless encouraged to take more.

• If you are offered a bowl of candy to choose from, don't search through the bowl to find your favorite even if you are tempted. Take a piece near the top of the bowl and within easy reach.

• Some adults will instead put the candy into your bag or bucket so don't reach or ask for more.

• If you receive a type of candy you don't like, avoid making a face. Simply say "thank you." Remember you might be able to exchange it later with a friend, sibling, or share it with your mom or dad.

• Always use your best manners. Wait your turn in line. Remember to say "trick or treat" and "thank you."

• Some grown ups find it fun to provide you with a trick rather than a treat. Never show disappointment. Be polite and say "thank you." After all, it is "trick-or-treat." There will most likely be candy at the next house.

• It is kind to share your candy with your siblings and parents.

• If your brother or sister received candy that you want, ask them politely if they would exchange some of their candy for your candy, remembering to use "please" and "thank you." Never just reach over and take their candy. Avoid sulking or becoming angry if they don't want to exchange. Appreciate the candy you received.   

"Business Etiquette Essentials," Class, Friday, Nov. 8, 2013

"Business Etiquette Essentials," Class,
Friday, November 8, 2013, Twin Cities

Give yourself the competitive advantage!

Learn to Navigate the Nuances!

What do you do when meeting a customer at a coffee shop and find he is on a call?
Have you wondered who to introduce to whom?
What do you do when you realize you’ve given someone a poor handshake?
What do you do when you’ve forgotten someone’s name?
How many business cards to share at networking events?
Whom do you introduce first in a business introduction?
Can you “friend” a customer on Facebook?
Have you ever taken a call or checked your email while in a business meeting?
Do men get the chair for a female colleague at a business meal?
Have you ordered a salad at a business meal?
When do you begin discussing business at a business meal?
What does “business casual” really mean?
What body language can erode credibility?
Can you swear at work?What is "business casual?"

DESCRIPTION
During this program you will learn skills that will give you the ability to interact confidently and communicate more effectively, and the skills needed to put others and yourself at ease. Topics covered:

* Introduction of Self and Others
* How to Respond to Introductions 
* Basic Body Language
* Types of Handshakes and Their Meaning
* Business Card Protocol
* Techno Savvy
* Conversation Skills Basics
* Tips for Remembering Names
* Tasteful and Taboo Topics
* Business Dining Etiquette Skills (Host and Guest Duties, Understanding the Table Setting, Oops! What to Do, Gracefully Paying and Tipping, Alcohol)
* Impact of Color in Business
* Defining Business Casual Attire
* Handling Embarrassing Situations

9:00a-2:00p (registration 8:50a)
$179, Axel's Charhouse, Roseville, MN

REGISTER HERE

"Social & Dining Etiquette Class for Teens," (Ages 12-16), Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013, Twin Cities

"Social and Dining Etiquette for Teens," (Ages 12-16)
Saturday, November 9, 2013, Twin Cities

Have you wondered if your teen is on their best behavior when away from home?

Does your teen remember to shake hands and introduce himself or herself
when meeting new people?

Does your teen understand how to use the placeware at a formal meal?

Does your teen understand the appropriate etiquette for social media?

Provide your teen with the skills to be successful and build self-esteem, character, confidence, and social skills through an age appropriate interactive class on etiquette.

 

DESCRIPTION

Your teen will cover a multitude of areas in this interactive program:

* Introductions, Greetings, Proper Handshakes

* Etiquette at Home

* Etiquette When Out and About

 * Being A Good Sport

 * Dining Etiquette

 * Social Media Etiquette & Safety
* Importance of Thank You Notes

9:00a-1:00p (registration at 8:50a)

$129, Axel's Charhouse, Roseville, MN

REGISTER HERE

 

Royal Baby Etiquette - Six Tips

Six Tips for Proper Etiquette Regarding the Royal Birth

(photo: Chris Weeks/Getty Images)

Congratulations to Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, on the arrival of their baby boy! Such an exciting time! As a well-wisher in all of the current and coming excitement of the royal birth, it can be easy to make some faux pas. Here are some tips for all of us, including tips for the media, on the etiquette of the royal baby’s birth.
 

Allow the new parents some time and space. Having a child, especially the first child, is a big life change for parents, let alone for royal parents with a child that is third in line for the throne. New parents need their time, space, and privacy. Give them the opportunity to enjoy the early days with their new baby. While many of us would be interested in minute by minute reports on the baby and the Duchess, it is best to allow the immediate family time to bond without cameras and microphones on ready standby.

Avoid negative comments. For all, and especially the media, please avoid saying or printing comments such as “oh my, did you see what they just did?” or “why wasn’t the baby…?,” or “do you think they chose the right nannies?” It is kind to simply keep such comments to oneself.

Curb the tendency for the “shoulds” and offering unsolicited advice. While your intentions may be good, it will come across as criticism. Advice such as “the parents really should…,” (not allow, provide, not tolerate, watch more closely…, etc.) “the grandparents really should…” (stop, start), or “the baby really should…" (be fed, changed, covered) are simply not needed. Parents know their baby best and when the child needs to eat, be changed, in a sweater or socks. Remember that the baby will let them know some of these needs too! If you are a parent, think back to how these “shoulds” made you feel. Likely you felt inadequate with your first child's birth. Many parents feel this on their own without the shoulds from others.

Avoid comparisons. There is no need to compare your baby to the royal baby, or your parenting style to the Duke and Duchess’s parenting style. In this case, such comparisons are usually made to make oneself feel superior and/or the others to feel badly. For example, “my baby was so smart that she was walking within a week,” “talking within too weeks,” or “so strong that he grew a foot in a month”. Or, “when my baby was six months old, I would never have…” You get the idea.

Avoid making derogatory comments or a fuss about the baby’s name. “I can’t believe they’d choose that name! What were they thinking?” or even, “Thank goodness they chose a normal name for a change. Seems people these days are making up the oddest names.” Baby names are personal and may have familial or historical significance, especially in the case of the Duke and Duchess who may choose the baby’s name based on tradition. Simply be supportive.

Want to send a gift? Gifts will be sent to the royal couple from across the globe, many of which will likely be donated. Instead, send the gift you would have provided to a local charity in the Duke and Duchess’s name. The charity will likely be most appreciative.

 

Finally, my advice to the Catherine and William in responding to any unsolicited or unwelcome input, comparison, or comment regarding their parenting and/or the Royal Baby. A simple, "thank you for sharing" will do. Wishing you a world of happiness!

Civility Is Honesty

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

Respecting Differences

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

Sports and Civility - Play Fair!

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

Civility Counts Today and Everyday!

Civility Counts Today and Everyday!   

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

Learn more here: http://conta.cc/18gvRAy

Civility is STYLISH & Kindness is FASHIONABLE

Make the World More BEAUTIFUL with Civility and Kindness!

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

What is Civility?

What is Civility?

What is Civility? How can I be more civil in thought, word, and deed? Civility begins with ME.

Together, let's Celebrate May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month!

Please like our Facebook Page, Share, Tweet, and Blog!

Civility - Where Does it Begin?

Where does Civility begin?

May 1st launched "May - GLOBAL Civility Awareness Month."  I will share an Inspiring quote each day during May to Inspire Civility.

Please like us on our Facebook Page, and Share, Tweet, and Blog!

May is Global Civility Awareness Month!

May is Global Civility Awareness Month!

Image Impact International is the proud sponsor of Global Civility Awareness Month which is officially featured in Chase's Calendar of Events. Our new Civility Council created 31 Days of Civility to inspire Civility each and every day. We invite you to spread our daily civility message throughout your networks.Tweet it, forward it, blog about it and most of all, talk about it!  Help us to Inspire Civility by starting the conversation.

A Lack of Leadership Civility in Removing Working from Home Option

In the wake of Yahoo! and Best Buy removing the working from home option for their employees, I have been asked about my perspective on the concept of telecommuting. Any of you who have worked with me know my answer: if the job is conducive to working from home, then provide this option to your employees, whether it is one, two, or more days per week.

According to a November 2012 CareerBuilder survey of over 3,900 full-time employees in the nation, 33% stated that "Ability to Work from Home" was an important factor in their job satisfaction and job retention.

From an employee perspective, this is a very important factor to me personally as it provides the flexibility I need to function optimally in the learning and education field. I am able to work without distraction, produce much more efficiently, think more clearly, not to mention the benefit of having no traffic stress in driving to and from the office.

From an employer's perspective, I have managed teams that included administrative assistants through senior managers and cannot imagine not providing the opportunity for them to work from home. They are professionals and as long as they are available for meetings when necessary, respond to emails and calls, and accomplish their projects timely, I have no concern whether they work from home, a coffee shop (as long as protect any confidential data and the laptop itself), or in the day or evening. Being flexible so that each person can function at their optimum for the team and the company is more important to me as a leader, than is requiring them to be in the office simply for "face time" and "monitoring", which are by the way, very antiquated methods of treating professionals.

In the survey I conducted for "The Power of Leadership Civility" section of the book I coauthored, The Power of Civility, participants stated a number of ways that leaders demonstrate civility. Two of these can be applied to the issue of working from home. 

One, is "being respectful." Allowing team members to work from home is a sign of respect, of saying "I believe in you," "I respect you as a professional." Second, "expecting and trusting that employees want to do their best." A professional is a person who takes their job and responsibilities seriously no matter where they happen to be working. Demonstrating trust in your employees is an important leadership quality.

When leaders demonstrate civility, turnover and employee stress are reduced, and productivity and trust are increased. These factors are much more important to me as a leader than is simply face time in the office.  

Treating employees like young children who need close monitoring is not a very respectful approach to working with employees in today's world of technology. If a business is doing poorly, it is not because people are working from home. Rather, there are other causes, such as poor leadership, poor quality service, poor quality products, competition, corruption, lack of innovation, the economy, and more. Could the leaders of Yahoo! and Best Buy be looking for what might be a "scapegoat" rather than tackling the real issues leading to poor company performance? This leads to an unfortunate consequence (perceptions or real) of workplace incivility, not just within their organizations, but externally as well.