Teaching Children Political Civility Is Like Teaching Good Sportsmanship

Today Americans are casting their votes for the next president as well as other political offices. Many of us have strong political views. It is how we express these that is of importance to our children. Teaching children civility in politics is like teaching them good sportsmanship.

• In politics as in sports, competition results in winners and losers. It is true that how you play the game and how you respond whether you win or lose really does matter - integrity, honor, and respect are important and demonstrate the level of ones character.  
   
• In politics as in sports, players and supporters often put their hearts into the game. If your candidate wins, don't rub it in to the losing candidate/team. Be sincere and thank the losing candidate/team for their participation in the process.   
   
• Remember what goes around comes around. There are term limits and your candidate and/or party may hit the homerun after the next election. I grew up hearing, "Everything is only temporary." No matter your political affiliation, in the U.S., this is true.   
   
• If your candidate/party loses, avoid showing anger and storming around the home. As a parent, you are the role model in how to civilly accept defeat. We all have a right to our opinions, though it is important to consider the impact of your response on your children's perception of good (poor) sportsmanship.  
   
• We often teach children that name-calling is rude and unkind. Yet, so many adults seem to forget this when it comes to sports and politics. For example, in politics, some people refer to Romney as Vom-Mitt, and to Obama as O-Bummer. (You likely have heard more such uncivil terms.) Avoid using such terms to describe the presidential candidates, especially around your children. Practice what you preach!   
   
• If your party or candidate isn't successful in this election, don't make excuses or blame others in your political camp, outside your political camp, or the media.

Some additionaltips for parents in teaching political civility:

• Are you connected with your children on Facebook? Be sure to remain civil in your political posts. Set a good example for your children.  
   
• Create an environment at home where your children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions. Ask your children for their opinions of the election and candidates. Discuss. Don't devalue. Rather explore. Rather than saying, "That isn't true!" or "You're wrong!," or "That is stupid!," you could say, "tell me more about your thoughts."   
   
• Create an environment at home where your children feel comfortable asking questions. To do this, you must be open to hearing questions and responding civilly and with an open mind about the "other side" or "that party."  
   
• Spend time together watching the election outcomes, the political commentaries, and let them ask questions about the process. Ask your children how they might have done things differently if they were the candidates. Share with them how to respond to negative opinions and comments. Discuss with your children that there is a difference between debating and being uncivil.   
   
• Be accepting if your child doesn't want to share who they would be voting for if they had the opportunity to vote. Our U.S. voting system is devised to keep privacy of votes (note the curtains, walls, and voting "booths").  
   
• Demonstrate respect by not talking negatively about friends, family, or coworkers who have a different political viewpoint than you have. While you may be wondering in your mind about the choices these individuals are making, "what in the world are they thinking!," this needn't be shared with or around your children. 

Parents are critical role models for their children. How you do and don't respond to politics and the election has a huge impact on your children. A civil or uncivil impact is up to you!

 

"Holiday Etiquette Essentials" Class, December 15, 2012, Tampa Bay

(source: Hirshfields.wordpress.com
of Bachman's Idea House)

* Can you email holiday invitations and greetings instead of mailing cards?

* Must you really attend your workplace holiday party?

* Can you use red wine glasses with white wine?

* Must you show guests your bedroom if they ask for a tour?

* How do you tactfully handle conflicting invitations?
* What should you do when you see a guest double dip?

* How can you let guests know not to bring gifts?

* Is it OK to re-gift?

* Do you always have to provide gifts for your children's teachers? If so, what?

* Do you always have to bring a gift when invited to a holiday party? If so, what?

* Is it appropriate to ask my guests to remove their shoes?

* How much do you tip your stylist, newspaper carrier, babysitter at the holiday season?

* The party is for adults only. How do you handle your friend that wants to bring her children?

 

Learn the answers to these questions and more! We'll cover:

 

                Hospitable Hosting * Being a Gracious Guest

           * Uninvited Guests * RSVP's * Out of Town Guests

           * Gift Giving & Receiving * Taboo & Tasteful Topics

              of Conversation * Invitations * Holiday Greetings

        * Dining Etiquette  * Handling Embarrassing Situations

Saturday, December 15, 2012, 7p-9p, Palm Harbor, $74, appetizers included,  REGISTRATION

For more information, contact: info@civilitycentre.com
or call (813) 579-7087.

Holiday Manners: Social and Dining Etiquette Class for Children and Teens (ages 9-15), December 15, 2012, Tampa Bay

Does your child remember to shake hands and introduce him/herself when meeting people? Does your child understand what defines appropriate attire for holiday events? Does your child understand how to use the placeware at a formal meal? Does your child understand how to appropriately maneuver the buffet table? Does your child know when is it OK to put elbows on the table? Is your child a good host and guest? Is your child savvy about mobile manners while at holiday events? Does your child remember to send thank you notes for gifts? Provide your child with holiday manners skills that will benefit them though the holidays and beyond. In this highly interactive age appropriate course, your child will learn skills that will help them to be successful and build their self-esteem, character, confidence, and social skills. Your child will cover a multitude of areas:   Why Manners Are Important * Introductions, Greetings, Proper Handshakes * Etiquette When Visiting Family * Gift Giving and Receiving * Respectful Conversations * Appropriate Holiday Attire * Being a Polite Host and Guest * Polite Party Behavior &Tech Manners * Holiday Dining Etiquette * Importance of Thank You Notes
Saturday, December 15, 2012, 9ap-1p, Palm Harbor, $119, lunch included, REGISTRATION For more information, contact: info@civilitycentre.com or call (813) 579-7087.

September Birthstone and Flower

September's flower of the month is the Aster,
symbolizing Love, Faith, Light, and Wisdom.



 






September's birthstone is the Sapphire. The sapphire comes in many colors and symbolizes truth, sincerity, faithfulness, and loyalty. While Sapphires are the stone for September, the Star Sapphire is especially considered September's birthstone.

 

Top 5 Restaurant Etiquette Tips for Staff and Owners

While dining out the other day, a staff member of the restaurant came by our table with a carpet sweeper as she made her way around the restaurant during a busy lunch hour. It was rather unappetizing to have the floor serviced while dining.

While dining out, I've noticed other faux pas that can ruin the dining experience for guests. Here are the Top 5 Restaurant Etiquette Tips for Staff and Owners that will improve your guests' dining experience:

• Avoid sweeping the carpet while guests are present, especially while they are dining.
• Avoid clearing plates until all guests at the table have finished. It is inappropriate for guests to have to say, "please wait until everyone is finished" as it makes all guests at the table uncomfortable, feel rushed, and makes the staff person look inept.
• Avoid placing a soiled napkin back on the table when a guest excuses him/herself momentarily. Some restaurants find that folding the napkin that has been placed on the chair and placing it back on the table to be a "nice thing to do" and "classy." However, as the napkin has been off the table and in ones lap, it should not be placed back on the table while food is present. Rather, simply remove the soiled napkin and bring a clean napkin for the diner.
• Place both a salad knife and fork, and a main entree knife and fork for each diner. Many restaurants only provide one knife with two forks and put staff in the awkward position of saying to "keep your knife," and the diners in the uncomfortable position of using a knife (now soiled) meant for the salad with their main entree.
• At a brunch buffet, avoid asking diners to use their soiled silverware with their second or more passes through the brunch buffet line. Diners know not to place their soiled silverware on the table linens, yet staff often ask them to keep their silverware leaving diners looking around the table for a place with which to set the soiled silverware. Simply remove the soiled silverware when removing the used plates, and bring fresh silverware for the diners for each of their trips to the buffet.

These tips will ensure that your guests experience a much more pleasant dining experience, and ensure that your staff aren't placed in these awkward and avoidable situations.

  

Name Badge Etiquette: Right Side

I was reading the Variety section of the Sunday paper this morning. There is a section titled "Face Time" which showcases scenes from events around the metro area.

 In reviewing the pictures of a recent event, I noticed that the majority of individuals had their name badges placed on the wrong (left) side. Of those where the name badges were visible, 11 out of 16 (almost 70%) had it placed incorrectly.

Name badges are placed on the Right side. As we shake hands with our right hand, our eyes naturally gravitate to the right shoulder. Avoid making the other person search for your name tag by placing it on your right shoulder. This small nuance can help in building the comfort level of both you and the individual you are meeting.

And by all means, never place the name badge in the center or on a hip pocket which causes the other person to look to your nether regions for your name. Oh my!

Workplace Civility and Negativity

Is it raining in your workplace? You may be familiar with the saying, "Don't rain on my parade!" Have you ever rained on someones parade, either intentionally or unintentionally? Has someone rained on your parade?

At work, some examples of this "rain" are: negatively responding to an idea for an improved process, interrupting others, not listening, having sidebar conversations while someone is presenting, checking text messages while in a face-to-face conversation, speaking down to another, speaking ill of someone behind their back, taking a superior attitude, being demanding, belittling, or intimidating others, and much more.

"Negativity is a little like rain. When there's just a little, you can go out for a walk in it and put up with the inconvenience of a slight dampening process. When the water is bucketing down, especially if accompanied by thunder and lightening, it is hard to find any shelter from which you can completely ignore the prevailing climate." (Jonathan Cainer)

What type of climate do you experience in your workplace? Are you the rain or the shelter?

Six Tips to Creating Workplace Civility and Respect

What some may view as little things in the workplace can be larger things to someone else. Here are six seemingly "small" behaviors that that individuals have within their control to enhance and encourage a respectful workplace:
 1.  arriving on time to meetings
 2.  dressing appropriately
 3.  saying "thank you", "I'm sorry"
 4.  giving praise publicly and criticism privately
 5.  considering impact of words and actions on others
 6.  keeping volume down when speaking near others workspaces

You needn't wait for someone else to "make the first move" to create a better work environment. You can take the first step.

Civility isn't one "grandiose event", rather it is many small things that when lacking, stand out like a sore thumb.

For additional reading on workplace civility and civility in general, see the book, The Power of Civility.

Fathers Don't Miss Opportunity to Teach Manners: No Kicking Soccer Balls in Panera

As Father's Day is approaching, I thought about how a father's (and mother's) duty is to teach their child manners. This is in all areas: at home, at school, in the community, when out and about, including at restaurants (however informal the venue), and many other areas of their lives.

While visiting Panera in Maple Grove, MN yesterday, I saw a young teen kicking a soccer ball around in the restaurant. What was surprising was (1) he was with his father who said/did nothing to stop the behavior, and (2) Panera staff said/did nothing to stop the behavior.

When I looked at the teen kicking the ball, and then to his father, his father simply pulled the teen out of the main walkway while still allowing his child to continue kicking the ball around.

It is important for parents to be proud of their children and provide encouragement for their child's talents. However, kicking a soccer ball around in a restaurant is not only impolite, it is dangerous.

Unfortunately for this teen, his father missed an opportunity in teaching his son the basics of courtesy toward other patrons and toward staff.

If you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling, or other key adult in a child's life, don't let opportunities to help a young person learn civility and respect pass you by.

June Birthstone

Sometimes Nature provides us with perfect examples of recognizing and respecting differences in others. For example, gemstones. Gemstones come in many varieties and compositions.

June birthstones are pearl, alexandrite, and moonstone.

I especially love pearls...they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, with imperfections and quirks, just like people! To learn more, about June's birthstones, see: The American Gem Society.

International Civility Awareness Month

As May is International Civility Awareness Month, each day I'll be sharing simple ways that each of us can demonstrate civility in the various arenas of our lives. I welcome your thoughts and examples too!

May 1: Look the store clerk in the eyes when you say thank you. This has more meaning than a quick, "thanks" as you fumble with your wallet with head down.

May 2: Let that semi-truck merge in front of you on the freeway...even during massive rush hour traffice.

May is International Civility Awareness Month

May is International Civility Awareness month. Civility is critical to a well-functioning family, workplace, school, community, state, nation, and world. When it is missing in one arena of our lives, the other arenas of our life can be off kilter. It isn't always easy to deal with others tactlessness, rudeness, cluelessness, and boorishness. However, it is how you respond to such incidents, and how you behave in general that are key to creating more civility in the world we share.

Civility encompasses many aspects of positive social behavior:

 








(You may copy the picture for your use, though as it is copyrighted, please do site the source.)

Each one of us can make a positive difference in someones life. A tweak here, a tweak there... Each moment you have an opportunity to choose how to respond, to think, to be. What choices will you make in your next interaction?

Can I Apply Lipstick and Powder at the Dinner Table?

In workshops, I have often been asked if it is appropriate to apply lipstick and powder at the dining table. Etiquette guidelines have changed over the past 60-70 years on this subject which has led to some confusion. From an etiquette perspective, here’s the scoop.

In the 1950s, it was perfectly acceptable to powder ones nose at the table, whereas today it is considered inappropriate. Excuse yourself to the restroom for a quick powder touch up.

Regarding lipstick, if you are with friends, it is fine to quickly and discreetly apply lipstick after the meal (though no lip liner, and without using a mirror).

If you are at a business meal, applying lipstick and other makeup touch ups are best done in the restroom. You want to be remembered for your business savvy, not your makeup application savvy.

"Business Etiquette Essentials" Training, June 23, 2012, Twin Cities

We have added a "Business Etiquette Essentials" workshop for June!

During this program, you will learn tools that will give you the ability to interact confidently and communicate more effectively, and the skills needed to put others and yourself at ease.

Topics covered: Winning Solutions for Effective Personal Branding - Introduction of Self and Others - How to Respond to Introductions - Making Your Eye Contact Confident and Respectful - Basic Body Language - Types of Handshakes and Their Meaning - Business Card Protocol - Techno Savvy E-mail, Cell phone, Handhelds, Texting, Social Media - Conversation Skills Basics - Tips for Remembering Names - Protocol of Engaging In and Ending Conversations -Tasteful & Taboo Topic of Conversation - Business Dining Etiquette Skills (Host & Guest Duties, Understanding the Table Setting, Oops! What to Do, Gracefully Paying & Tipping, and much more!) - Professional v. Business Casual Attire - Importance of Accessories

Date: June 23, 2012
Time: 9:00a-2:00p (registration at 8:45a)
Location: Axel’s Charhouse, 2540 N Cleveland Ave., Roseville, MN
Fee: $149; Lunch Included
Click Here to Register

April Flower and Gemstone of the Month

The gemstone for the month of April is the Diamond which represents innocence.

There are two flowers representing the month of April.

The Sweet Pea represents happiness and bliss.

      (photo courtesy of steve-h)

The Daisy represents purity, simplicity, loyalty. 

Top 5 Online Chat Faux Pas

I attended a teleseminar this afternoon where there was an ongoing chat section for participants. After today's session and seeing all the chat faux pas, thought it was time for a refresher for those who participate in such events. Here are the five experienced in today's teleseminar chat:

1. Do not share your need to use the restroom. Simply go take care of business and return. No announcements are needed. (The following picture is a post from today's session. Individual has his full name listed hence need to delete!)

2. Do not post (spam) your website, blog, or other contact information (unless invited to do so by the host). Our host today gave fair warning that those posting such information in the chat room would be removed from the chat and blacklisted for a period of time.

3. Avoid using your full name. Rather, create a nickname. (Reference to point #1 above.)

4. Avoid signing with "hugs," "love," etc. when attending a business teleseminar. Save such closings for personal messages.

5. Avoid using all CAPS when chatting. As in email, it is the equivalent of shouting.

Easter Hat Etiquette

With the return of lady-like dresses, it is wonderful to see so many lovely hats this season! With Easter tomorrow, Ladies, here are some tips on wearing your Easter hats:

-       Hats may be worn during church service. Do be mindful of those seated directly behind you. Should your hat be blocking their view, you may consider an alternate seating arrangement or remove your hat.

-       While dining out at a restaurant or another’s home for Easter brunch, ladies do wear their hats. (Note that we are referring to lady-like hats, not baseball caps which of course, should never be worn in the house.)

-       Hostesses do not wear a hat while entertaining in their home.

-       Adornments are to be placed on the right side of your hat (while adornments for gentlemen are placed on the left side).

-       Remove your daytime hat at dusk.

(Photo courtesy:www.hatsinthebelfry.com)

Defining Civility

I am often asked how to define "civility." Here is a pictorial of the various concepts. Each of the terms are important on their own, and comprise "civility" as a whole. Following are some suggestions of how to make "civility" more actionable in your life.

• Educators, Share this with your students asking them to draw or to find photos representing each of these concepts. Teens can describe situations they have faced where civility was or wasn't demonstrated.
• HR/Employers/Managers, Discuss these concepts with your employees and ask them to share situations they have faced with peers or customers that showcase these components, or to describe situations where these concepts were lacking and what they did to resolve concerns.
• Individuals, Ask yourself where you demonstrate these concepts in your daily family, community, and work life. Do you demonstrate all? Are there opportunities to do better?
• Parents, Share these with your children and discuss ways that as a family, you can demonstrate civility. What is each family member's responsibility within the family, when out and about, and at school. Make it a dinner game. Each of the terms can be placed in a bowl, one drawn at dinner, and discussed at that meal.
• Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles, Share this with the young people in your family, and discuss the experiences you have had, as well as their experiences with civility. What has or hasn't changed since you were their age?

(You may copy the picture for your use, though as it is copyrighted, please do site the source.)

Swearing, Profanity, #$%&#?*! ... Call it What You Will

As many who've been in my seminars know, I find that swear words are simply letters of the alphabet put together to create a word. I am not aware of any country that doesn't have its share of such words. This said however, I am not a fan of swearing. Not because of the words themselves, rather, because of the implied intent behind the use of these words, and often the tone with which they are spoken. Any letters can be put together to form a word. It is the meaning that society gives to these words that creates acceptance or nonacceptance for use in polite conversation.

Today we learned that the City Council in Washington, D.C. added an amendment to the Council's Code of Conduct that bans the use of profanity in council meetings. This amendment also unanimously passed. (see for the story: D.C. Council Chairman Cracks Down On #@&#%!!!)

It is interesting too when I speak with others, not one person has said that swearing is appropriate. Some even say they need to clean up their language. Yet swearing persists.

I simply ask you to consider how refined a person (you or other) sounds when swearing. And is there another set of words other than profanity that can be used when stating displeasure, unhappiness, or used in general conversation? 

President's Day - George Washington's Rules of Civility

George Washington's and Abraham Lincoln's birthdays were two separate holidays when I was young. In 1971, their birthdays were combined to create one event that we celebrate today, President's Day.

We know that their accomplishments were significant in U.S. history and continue to impact us today. Many people may not realize that our first president, George Washington, also penned guidance on civility, Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, listing 110 rules to guide behavior for a respectful community. Notably, he penned these before he was 16!

Interestingly, while much has changed since Washington penned these rules in 1745, little has also changed. We still struggle with civility even after these almost 270 years.

Here are a few of Washington's rules and their current application.

Washington: "Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present"
Current Application: Avoid using cell phones in conversation with others. 

Washington: "Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparagement of any"
Current Application: In the workplace, make your own judgements based on your experience with another. Don't believe everything you hear. 

Washington: "If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up..."
Current Application: When at a networking meeting, stand if you are able, to greet others joining your table. Standing to greet shows respect for both the other person and yourself.

Washington: "Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A Secret Discover not."
Current Application: Avoid gossip.

To read all 110 rules, see Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.

America's Rudest Cities

In reading this year's list of America's Rudest Cities published by Travel & Leisure magazine, I admit I was surprised by some of the listings. I had found San Diego, D.C., Orlando, Seattle, Salt Lake City, and Chicago to be quite friendly cities. While there are some cities listed that I have not yet traveled to, there are others that could spruce up their refinement and civility skills overall. Of course, I won't name names. However, if you are on this top 20 list, you may want to ask yourself is this the list you want to be on?

Note to self: must get out more!

Importance of Thank You Notes

Today I received a very special package in the mail containing 30 handwritten thank you notes from the students at Santa Fe College in Gainesville, FL for the International Etiquette course held last week. It was so heartwarming to read their notes.

These students in particular are all military veterans and well-traveled. I had asked the students as we began the class how many had received cross-cultural training prior to their deployment. Only half raised their hands. It made me shudder to think that we sent our military members across seas to live and work in other cultures without ensuring they were fully prepared for interacting. So many of the world's misunderstandings arise due to poor communication and lack of sensitivity toward one another.

Each student in the session learned skills that will help them to be successful and give them an advantage as they continue to navigate their communities, workplaces, and world. Here are some of the thank you notes that were shared with me:

"I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for the fantastic Skype session at Santa Fe College. I found your details on various cultures and how their perspectives differ from our own very informative. As a result of this, I feel I am more open to other cultures and their values."

"Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to Skype with our class today. You gave some very helpful tips on gestures in different cultures. I would have never thought something as simple as a thumbs up could mean so many different things. I will continue to learn about cultural differences because you made the topic so interesting."

"Thank you for the insight on traveling abroad, and having proper etiquette. I have been to many different places, but I fear that I may have made a few mistakes! Well it is better late than never to learn about cultural diversity. Thank you again for this informative lecture."

"Thank you for helping me broaden my perspectives by teaching me how to be more culturally aware. I now feel confident that if I'm ever in another country, I'll be able to hang with the best of them without having too many cultural faux pas."

"...I enjoyed the way you use real life experiences. It reminded me of my times overseas."

"...As a person who wants to travel, I found your discussion on cultural etiquette to be very enlightening. I'm a little intimidated by all the variations you spoke about for different cultures, such as proper handshakes. I feel like I have an advantage with the knowledge you have shared, as well as the understanding to research cultures before I travel."

Recuiters Review Your Social Media Posts

What does your social media say about you? Most of us have heard that recruiters review a candidate's Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, Twitter, and other social media posts. Even though this is true, many people are lax in ensuring their posts show them in the most flattering, knowledgeable, and professional light in terms of a job search.

A recent study by Reppler finds that 91% of recruiters review your posts as part of their screening, with Facebook coming in at the number one social media reviewed at 76%.

Interestingly, almost 50% of the recruiters in the study review this information after receiving the application...before ever speaking with the candidate.

It is so important to be sure your posts are the best portrayal of the professional you prior to the job search because the study also found that 69% of recruiters have rejected candidates based on their posts! Conversely, 68% have hired candidates based on what the recruiter saw on the posts.

So...which bucket do you want to be in?

Get going now and "professionalize" your online presence!